Commitments to our Testimonies

Today I wanted to bare testimony of some things that have been on my mind lately. October was an eventful with all the anniversaries and my birthday. This year marked my 30th birthday my 15th year as a member of the church and my 10th year as an endowed member of the gospel. Each of these events has been instrumental in shaping into the person I am today. I lived 15 years as a non-member. In those 15 years I believe that the Lord was teaching me some vital and important things that would help for the rest of my life. While serving I was able to bare testimony of having attended many different churches and feeling empty, but after my time investigating the church I grew and that emptiness was filled with knowing that I was finally home. As I prepared for baptism I made commitments and covenants with Heavenly father that I would try my best to do what he asked. It was very difficult to do this with a parent that did not find the truth in the church and seemed to make it very difficult at that time. I grew to feel that I was letting Heavenly Father down. As I look back now I feel that I was probably closer to Him although I was not able to attend I still did my best to abide by my covenant. I then started to prepare for my missionary service. I received my mission call and went to The House of the Lord to receive an endowment from my Father in Heaven. This gift allowed me to grow and understand how to become the best person I can be. I went to the Denver Temple and did as many ordinances so that I would become familiar with the covenants that Heavenly Father and I agreed upon. I learned about how the adversary works on me and how I can decline his enticing’s and to put them behind me. I learned that I was indeed His child and that he loves me. I learned that by following his commandments and staying on the strait and narrow path outlined by the Plan of Salvation I can find true happiness. These events have been a stronghold for me. They have been anchors in the whirlwinds of temptations and distractions. I am reminded from these experiences that I am truly on the path that leads to the tree of life. We as the members of the church are being mocked and scoffed at by those in the great and spacious buildings along our walk. I know that as we continue to hold fast to the Iron rod we will eventually have the opportunity to taste of the Tree of Life and want to share with our families and friends. I testify that there will be times that dark and dreary waste will come and try to deceive us of the path. To lead us away for what we know to be true. Remember that many are on this same path and that we are pressing forward with the hopes that we can all make it their together to once again enjoy the true happiness that our Father in Heaven has in store for his faithful children.

15 Years down and eternity to go!

I wish to share with you something has been a part of me over the last 15 years. As I think about the changes that I made so long ago I wonder where and how my life would have turn out to be if I did not make those commitments and follow the directions for the Holy Ghost. On October 18, 1998 I was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. This was 15 years ago. At the time of my baptism I had just turned 15 years old. This can be considered my “Golden year” of my baptismal date. I have been equally in the church as long as I have been without. Although I do not remember much about my childhood, I am able to see the difference in me after following the example of my Savior and to be baptized into his church. I wish to share with you several experiences in which I know Heavenly Father (God) has been aware of me. These experiences are very important to me and I do not speak of them lightly. I hope that those that read them will consider them special experiences and respect my view on how Heavenly Father communicated with me. During my missionary service in Las Vegas, Nevada I was transferred to a new area as well was my companion. As we got settled into our area and started to see that we did not have any people we were working with we started to go though past investigators and part member families. I called a member that was active but her husband was not a member of our church. I explained that I was a new missionary in their ward and that we wanted to know if we could stop by and meet the family. They agreed and we set a time to go. Somehow I forgot to make it down in my planner and agenda for the following day. The next day we forgot about our appointment and missed it. Have you ever had that experience where you lay down and everything that you forgot to do that day comes to you? That happened. I sat up in my bed and thought “OH NO!” I called Jon the next day and apologized for not showing up. We set another appointment for a few days later. That night I learned from several members of that ward that Jon did not like to be pushed. Their exact words were “Do not push him.” Jon did not like the pushy sales men type of church members and missionaries. I agreed with them and wanted to be a support not a salesman. The morning of our appointment my companion worked out a brief message about the plan of salvation. All day I was thinking about Jon and his family. We made it to the appointment and as we knocked on the door and as Jon opened the door I remember hearing direct instructions for the Holy Ghost that we were not to leave until Jon was set for baptism. I looked at my companion to see if he said that but my companion had not. As I walked into their home I thought about what I had heard and wondered in my heart how I was going to do this. I was told do not push him and wanted to respect that. Members and leaders of the local ward had been working with him and I did not want to ruin what they had been working on. I sat there and wondered if it was directions from the Spirit. I wondered how am I going to do this? The Spirit then told me that I am not going to do anything. He would be the one that would be doing it. I talked to him about my baptism, the way I felt, the happiness that came to me after I was baptized and such. I asked Mikki his wife to tell me about her baptism and likewise did the same with my companion. After the both of them finished I spoke about the baptism of the Savior. Even though he lived a perfect life and did not need to be baptized he still obeyed his father’s commands. In Matthew we read the account of Jesus being baptized. "Then cometh Jesus from Galilee to Jordan unto John, to be baptized of him. But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptized of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him. And Jesus, when he was baptized, went up straightway out of the water: and, lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him: And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Matthew 3:13-17 We read this with him and taught him that it was important to follow the example of the Savior and likewise be baptized. I then asked Jon, Jon will you follow the example of Jesus and be baptized? As I sat there preparing to be told that I would not be allowed back in their home, I looked at Jon to see him looking at me. He looked at his wife then at the ground and then back at me. With tears streaming down my face because I knew that the Spirit was there and he was in charge of this mighty change in Jon’s heart. Jon said yes. The tears were streaming down Mikki’s face because she would now be able to attend church as a family, and possibly be sealed to the love of her life. I then asked Jon, when would you like to be baptized? He wanted it to be on his birthday. I told him that I would be at home in Colorado but I would come back to witness it. He changed the date to October 18. I looked a Jon drying my eyes and said why that day? He told me that was his daughter’s birthday. I told him that that day was the day that I got baptized on. Jon asked me if I would be the one to baptize him. I accepted his request. On October 18, 2005 at the exact time I baptized Jon 7 years after my baptism. That night I rode my bike back home with tears in my eyes and a silent prayer in my heart thanked my father in heaven for this tender mercy. I knew that that was one way Heavenly father let me know that he loved me.

This experience with Jon leads to experience number two. After returning from my mission I returned quickly to Las Vegas to live. My main goal while living in Vegas was to never move back to Colorado. If I did I would not have been the person I am today. I got a job working for R.C. Willey. I lived about 10 miles away from work and had no car. The busses did not run earlier enough for me to catch to get to work on time. For eight months I walked to and from work. I would get up at 2:15 in the morning and start my walk and would arrive at 7:15. During that time I would listen to the Tabernacle Choir, EFY music and General Conference talks. This walk in the morning became my time to listen and to pray for those around me. I was called to be in several callings at that time and would often pray for those that were in our ward. I would also discuss my future with Heavenly Father. Those that know me in Las Vegas know that I was an emotional wreck. I could not sit through a church meeting without balling my eyes out. I was in a choir that sung at events regularly and I would not be able to get through a song without tears falling from my eyes. I recall these memories because I honestly think that Heavenly Father was so close to me. Just recently I read a book called “Hard times Holy Places.” The stories shared in this book helped me see that I was now trying to make a better life for myself. I was dealing with all of the hardships I had had from an abusing “father figure” I remember listening to some of the holiest talks given by Elder Holland and seeing my path that my Father in Heaven laid out for me. I was recently talking with a great family from Vegas a few weeks ago. The husband was in my singles ward bishopric. We were talking about how different my life is since I moved away from there and have gotten married with the jokes from him toward me. I remember I was saying that there I only one regret from that period in my life. I was a very needy individual. I was sometimes very dependent on others for their help. As I sat there and said this to this them I realized that I had taken for granted those that had done things for me. I want you all to know that I am very appreciative of what you sacrificed so that I could have stayed in Las Vegas. I am thankful for the hard times because I know now that they have been holy places for me. I pray nightly for those that sacrificed so much for me. I want to personally thank every member of my singles ward, my roommates, and friends in Las Vegas. I may have been a burden on you and have asked you to do things that may have seemed hard. But you still helped me. I know that Heavenly father will bless each and every one of you for your service on my behalf. God blessed me with holy places in which I will never forget.

Lastly, (Note: I started this post last Thursday on October 17) Kirsten and I moved to Chandler, AZ in April. Many know that we live about 20 minutes away from the new Gilbert Arizona Temple. When we moved here I started to photograph the progress of the temple and started to submit these photos to a local blogger and she has been updating this blog with several on my photos. Last Friday I checked my email and saw that I had received a message from her. Earlier that day she got an email for a member of the dedication committee had contacted her to get the contact information for three of the photographers that have submitted work to the blog. This gentleman contacted me to let me know that he was in charge of compiling a book from the very beginning of city of Gilbert AZ and how it has become the city it is today. In this book he will also be telling the story about the temple and the stories behind the scenes. He has taken testimonies from workers and members of the area. He needed to contact all of us to get permission to use our photographs for the book. One of our photos will be on the cover of the book. And many of our photographs will be printed on the pages inside also. This is a very special book. This book will be limited in prints. There will a limited copies printed. The first copy will be placed in the corner stone known as the Capstone and will be dedicated apart of the building. Here is a snippet from the email I had received on Friday. “You have shown your testimony through the beauty of your photographs. We are extremely blessed, in the fact that we will have our names and artwork literally inside of the dedicated temple walls, as a testimony of our belief in the eternal blessings from temples.” Two other copies will be made and sent to Salt Lake City, for the records and historical purposes and will be considered history of the Church. The remaining prints are based given to others under the direction of the New Temple President. It will not be not for public distribution. I may never get to see this book, read the messages and testimonies of those in it. But that day when we gather together to dedicate this holy house and the many time I enter in the doors to so the work of my ancestors I will always walk by the capstone and remember my testimony that I gave when taking photographs of this temple. I will forever be grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that has continued to show his love for me on the day that I committed and covenanted with him to follow him and to keep his commandments. He has never neglected me and never left me alone. He has shown me his love by reminding me of the tender mercies and the hard times in my life because he was walking very close to me. I love my Heavenly Father so much; I know that his Son Jesus Christ is my Savior and the one that sacrificed his own life so that I can have mine. I know that through the Holy Ghost I can hear the messages loud and clear telling me what I need to do to accomplish what God sent me here to do. I know that my marriage to Kirsten is an everlasting marriage that when we leave this mortal experience I will be with her and my children forever. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know that Joseph Smith saw God the father and Christ his son in the grove of trees. God is unchanging; he is our father and we are his children. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Of this I know to be true. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The measure of a man in not counted in the years that he lived it is about the times we think about him.

It has been just about a year since I have sat down and wrote, I am very bad at this written blog. But I am usually up to date on the photo blog. If you haven’t taken a moment to look at that take some time to do so. I don’t want to ramble on and on about how this year has gone I’ll do that later this month but I wanted to take a few minutes and pay tribute to a very special person in my life. Fourteen years ago I was blessed with being introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through my older sister Amy. Amy was baptized in April of ’98 and I followed her example exactly 6 months later to the date and time. Amy was attending college in Greeley Colorado about 3 hours north of Colorado Springs in which I lived. Amy would come down periodically but not every weekend so it was difficult to attend services every Sunday. As I started attending church I started to become friends with some of the youth. I was at the age of starting High School and what would be the beginning stage of my parents’ divorce. There were several young men around my age that I became friends with Travis, Joey and Justin. These young me I believe shaped me into the person I am today. My conversion to the Church was very early in 1998, but with a parent that tried to control my actions by not allowing me to attend church functions I was stuck. It had been weeks since I attended church and over a month since I attended mutual. I was at home on a Saturday night and like most Saturday nights I was exhausted. I was in my room when my sister came down and said that Justin was on the phone. She handed me the phone and I started a conversation that changed me forever.

Justin wanted to know why I had not been attending church, mutual, and seminary. As I told him that my father told me that was I not to go to those activities anymore. I had just conformed to his demands. I wanted to go. I wanted to be baptized but I was told no. As I became a negative Ned, Justin listened without saying a word. When I finished he asked me one question that changed my life. He asked me “Jason where is your faith? Do you believe that God will hear your prayers, have you prayed about this?” As a young 14 year old boy I may have been a bit prideful and told him “How dare you ask me that. I knew that God can hear my prayers.” I knew that God knew me and that I was going to be okay, but if I was patient I would be okay. After getting off the phone with him I got ready for bed and tried to go to sleep. I laid there and thought about that question. I got back out of bed and knelt by my bedside and asked the Lord to soften my family’s heart. I prayed specifically that I would be able to go back to church and the activities. I promised Heavenly father that if I was able to do that I would serve a full time mission and that I would try to become the best person that I could become. I crawled back into bed and started to cry. The next morning I awoke to my step father opening my door and asking me if I was awake. I said yes, he asked me if I was going to church today, I said if I can. He said yes. I was in shock! He said that my ride was outside. I got up and got ready and was out the door. Later that night I inquired why I was able to go. My step-father told me that every Sunday morning the same family (Justin) stopped by my house and waited to see if I were going to church. They had done that for weeks. That Sunday Justin and I were in the same Sunday school class he noticed that I did not have scriptures. That following Sunday Justin handed me a proselytizing Book of Mormon, I thumbed through it and noticed that Justin had written his testimony on the first couple of pages of the book. Yes on pages! He bore testimony of everything that he could. He handed it to me and said that I needed to read it. I read this copy of the book several times. Justin moved in 1999, and I rarely got to see him but on several occasions. In November 2000 I saw Justin at a youth dance. He was in with a group from his ward; I was able to talk with him. Before I left I had a thought that I needed to get his number so I could talk with him. He had left already and I rationalized that I would see him again. December 1st Justin passed away in a terrible car accident. I found out a few days later. I felt empty, I felt angry at God. The person that brought me to the church was now gone. Simply I was a mess. I stopped eating, barely slept and was getting sick. I remember that my prayers had never been so long; my feet would hurt and would fall asleep from sitting on them. Often I would wake up in the middle of the night and crawl into bed only to wake up hours later with tear stained cheeks. I attended the funeral days later. Walking into the building seemed to take forever. I walked into the Viewing room and remained strong throughout that. I made it to the hallway and sobbed. The funeral ended and I tried to move on with my life. I learned from the passing of Justin that I had been borrowing testimony. I had not fully gained my testimony of the church, the doctrine, and its principles. I picked up the Book of Mormon that Justin gave me and I began reading. I read it over and over. I studied different principles found within this book. I gained my testimony of the Plan of salvation, of the Spirit World and that families can be together forever because of Temples. I read this book so much that the cover and its pages were no longer held together by its binding. Last year I sat down with Justin’s parents. I was able to explain to them what their son truly did for me. I wonder if I adequately expressed my thoughts through my tears. Just a few months ago I was struggling with a few things. I was having a hard time. I remember waking up after having a dream about Justin. I remember crying and talking with Kirsten. I told her that I dreamt that was able to communicate and just spend a day with him. I thought about it all day and even prayed that I might have another night with Justin. That was the only night; but I knew that Heavenly father knew that letting me have that time with Justin I would be okay.

Now the years have passed there has not been a day that goes by when I think of Justin. When I returned from my mission I was looking through a box of my things and noticed his Book of Mormon. I was working for a framing company so I thought that it would be an awesome reminder of Justin. I had the cover of that Book of Mormon framed. Behind the cover are the written pages of testimony of the Man that changed my life. Today I remember Justin as a fun loving, faithful, red head. He changed the way that I communicate with my Heavenly father. I thank Heavenly Father for blessing me to know the Hayward family.

Love Jason

A Day to Remember

18 Dec 2011

One year! One year, can you believe it? As this year has passed I need to take some time and write what I feel. As I reflect on the experiences Kirsten and I have been through I truly can see that the Savior was trying to teach me valuable lessons. I sometimes wonder what and why we had to go through things and often found myself just staring and tearing up over a photo of Kirsten and I hanging on our wall. I want to take some time to express a deep love that I have for the Savior and share a deep gratitude for him giving me an opportunity to love Kirsten.

In March 2010 I was struggling, wondering if things were working out the way they were supposed to. I had been attending a Singles ward very actively; going to activities, making friends, and attending the temple with one of my best friends weekly. We would pick a different temple weekly if time would permit and do a session. I had been questioning hurt feelings of feeling alone and not having anyone there. I started to be able to trust people again and allow others to get close to me. I had been preparing for EFY and serving as my ward’s Sunday School President. Going back to these weekly temple nights, I remember sitting in the Celestial Room of the Mount Timpanogos Temple, looking toward the big window at the end of the room. I sat there across the way from a friend that was there with me. As I noticed him, he had taken an emblem out of his pocket that meant a lot to him and I noticed that he had started to cry. I remember that as I sat there wanting to help him though that hard time, thinking about the struggles he had gone though, this reminded me of all the things that I was going through; tears puddled in my eyes as the sweetest words that I needed to hear came to mind as if someone had whispered in my ear. After these words were written in the inner chambers of my heart, it was then when I gained a deep love for temple work and had a drive for being found in the temple. I knew that Heavenly eyes were looking out over me. These words to this day bring me the deepest peace one can feel in the midst of a chaotic world.


I left for EFY and had a wonderful time; little did I know at the beginning I would meet Kirsten and get to know her. The very last weeks of working with her I knew that Kirsten was exactly who I wanted to spend the rest of my mortal and eternal life with. She made me laugh and made me feel completely comfortable in my skin. I did not feel that I needed to always look my best; in fact, you can even ask Kirsten that one morning I was struggling to get out of bed and was running behind schedule, I may have walked out of my room without brushing my teeth. Yet she still talked to me and still even smiled doing it. My whole life I have struggled with self-confidence issues, mostly from constant abuse from peer influences. Kirsten started very early in our relationship to build me up. Though she didn’t know she was doing it, she helped me to start to see my self-worth. She believed in me while working to digest everything that I laid on the table and told her about. There were times that I was expecting her to say this is too much a walk away. She never did. She held my hand and walked with me though it all.

The week prior to EFY ending, I went home and surprised my mother, almost sending her into cardiac arrest walking up at 11:30 at night without her having any knowledge of me coming. As my week with her was coming to an end and I was headed to Ft Collins, I told her that I was kind of interested in someone but nothing has even happened or will be happening. Five days later I called to inform her that I would be getting married possibly within 6 to 12 months. My mother was a faucet turned on full blast. I went back to Utah and tried to resume life however I just could not get back to the normality of the way it was before.

Kirsten came back to Utah and as we dated I fell deeper and deeper in love with her. I started to meet her family and at times felt socially awkward around her Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and at times her parents. Yet they continue to be friendly and cordial with the socially awkward soon to be in-law. Kirsten and I took a trip to Colorado; she eagerly wanted to meet my mother and sisters. I believe that Kirsten has a way to adapt and accept any type of person and make them feel at peace. My mother instantly adored Kirsten; she, to this day, states that she is so grateful for Kirsten and that Kirsten is exactly that person that I needed in my life. Our engagement and courtship is definitely unique to others that you might hear about, however, the Lord speaks and we listen.


One year ago, this weekend, I woke up the morning of my wedding day, knowing that I would be married to my best friend and that she had accepted me for me. As we were married by Grandpa Mills in the Draper Temple I could not help but feel the presence of the Spirit teaching me that what was sealed that day on Earth was sealed in the books of heaven.

As we were married I took some time to look at the faces of those that were there. Most of them I had seen maybe once or twice but all gave me incredible strength. One face that I remember in detail is that of her father as he was handing over his parental responsibility to me, the look on his face as he taught me a valuable lesson. He taught me that love does not grow old; that the love that he has for Kirsten’s mother is deep and through my tears that day I saw who I wanted to become. He taught me that I am of worth and that he valued me, as he handed me one of his precious daughters. As Kirsten’s Grandfather exercised the Priesthood and sealed, I felt as if he opened the door to a rich heritage to the family that I wanted and needed—to have fathers that treated their wives with the deepest respect that a man can give. I realized that both these men are examples of what I can and will become.

So this weekend I have much to be grateful for. My experiences with Kirsten have been out of this world. A spontaneous road trip to Idaho to just get way, the smile that Kirsten has when I am acting like a dork, her patience with me as I get frustrated with my math homework, and that ability to make me tear up when she tells me that she loves me. So this year has had its ups and its downs but I truly have the deepest love for her and her family. I have truly been blessed this year with feeling of deep gratitude for family. I thank the Lord for his tender mercies as these past two years from that day in the temple and those words were spoken to me. Meeting Kirsten and falling madly deeply in love with her, knowing that trials will end and the most beautiful blessings will follow. I love you Kirsten, here is to spending the rest of my life and eternity with you.

Love Jason.

President Monson

Original Post Jan 12, 2009



I have just had one of the best experiences of my life. Today I woke up and, just knew my life would change today, I would make decisions today that would affect me tomorrow, many of my questions I had, were answered this evening, I went to church, after Sunday School, it was as if I were in a moving hopelessly wanting the time to go faster and pass, but of course I just felt as if it were going even slower. I then left to go to the Marriott Center, for the CES Fireside. President Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, spoke to the Young Single Adults all over the world, as I wait in a long line that just seemed to get longer and longer. About 4:30pm they allowed us to enter in to the building, my initial thought was is this Macy’s or Sears the day after thanksgiving? It was like a mad rush of people, I do understand that all wanted good seats for the event but all the yelling and pushing was that all necessary? However I made it in and got my seat, we still had to wait about an hour and a half. I don’t really care to be in that big of a group, really at all, but I did it to see the Prophet, and hopefully get answers to my prayer I had all day, about 5:30 I was just wondering about silly random things, and my struggles, just as I was thinking, about how noisy it was in there, I started to feel different I have never really felt this way, as I sat there I noticed I felt the Spirit more abundantly than I have ever felt before, I kept looking around at all the chattering YSA’s and wondering if anyone felt as if I did? Then at that very moment I heard what seemed to be a very quiet and firm voice, say “He is here” I got real nervous as I eagerly anticipated his arrival into the arena, but as I sat waiting I knew for a fact that he was in the building, I felt the Spirit. And not like that before as I sat there, about 5:50 I just stood up not really knowing why, but I kind of gave the excuse that I need to stretch but as I stood up about 5 seconds after, President Monson Started to walk in the room, and then everyone in the arena stood, I was in shock, started to tear up and break down as I saw the man that was just called less than a year ago to the rank of countless other valiant men, such as Joseph Smith, Adam, Noah, David O. McKay, and the most recent Gordon B. Hinckley. As I sat the studying this man as I stared at him, wondering if this was him I felt the deepest Love that my Father has for me from Heaven. I then was taught a valuable lesson in the many conversations to be had while waiting for the fireside to start. I learned for myself that I have a special gift from my Father in Heaven, He handpicked it for me, and me alone. Not many were given it, but those that share it know about it. My patriarchal Blessing states that "I was an advocate with the Savior in my first estate and states that the time will come when I will know without doubt that Heavenly Father lives and that his Son, Jesus Christ is my Eternal Savior and Redeemer, the time will surely come when the Holy Ghost will become your Constant Companion", I have witnessed the Literal Savior and his role in my life, and that my Heavenly Father lives, I still have yet to witness the Holy Ghost becoming a constant companion, but it will happen I have faith it will.
I solemnly testify Jesus Is the very person that others have described him to be, that he is that of a glorious being that was given by the ancient descents. That he is the healer of my many broken hearts and redeemer of my many mistakes, he suffered for us collectively but it was individually that makes it personal to me. He knows me. There are no words for what I feel! He lives, I felt his presents tonight, and I know he lives! There is no doubt. Now is my time to shine and bring forth my good fruit, it is up to me to see that the blessing once promised to me come to pass according to my faithfulness. Remember who you are and what you stand for. Continue to press forward with all of your heart know in that he will bless those that ask, it is the least more that he could do after all that he has done. He loves all and will always love all. These are my words, I testify that He lives, he is who he proclaimed himself to be, He lived what he taught and we must do the same. These are my words and I say them is the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.